My youngest daughter turned two last month. I know that now could be the time to potty train her. She is capable, if I take the time to go into intensive potty training mode. I like the idea of not buying or changing diapers. I would like her to be potty trained. So last week I hesitantly decided to get started. I bought all the little rewards and made the charts, I covered the floor with towels. I had the plan of not leaving the house much for about a week. After about 3 hours I decided to wait a few more months.
You are probably wondering if you are reading the wrong blog. What does potty training have to do with weight loss? My daughter is capable of being potty trained, I am not committed to the process of doing it right now. It is way too much work. I know I have to do it eventually but I just don't want to right now.
Now do you see the connection? Your level of success is directly related to your level of commitment. You may want to lose weight. You may want to be healthier. But wanting a result isn't going to mean much if you are not committed to the process that is going to lead to results. You actually have to be committed to the process. Committed to change. So committed that you stick with it when things get tough. So what would get your to truly commit to the challenge you are facing?
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Day 12 Unsatisfied
Yesterday's mood has carried over to today. In my head I am telling myself that when I feel this way I need to respond by just continuing what I should be doing, even though I don't want to do it. I really don't want to write about this now when I don't have my stuff together. I feel like writing about my struggles with food in hindsight is okay but it is embarrassing to say, "I am struggling right now." I want to have it all together. I want this to be a thing of the past as I help other figure their issues out - but I know I am still a work in progress too. So bare with me.
Today I feel hungry. Today I feel unsatisfied. Today I feel tired of tracking what I eat. And I see myself backtracking into my old ways - reaching for some cookie dough I made for a dessert I am bringing somewhere. And the lie in my mind is that it will satisfy whatever my issue is right now. I know it won't but it feels like food will do the trick. Well it didn't. I had a spoonful and I just wanted more. This could keep going so I decided to come over here and write about it.
Here is what I know to be true: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy my deepest need. Here's a few verses about that and it is funny how he compares himself to food in many more verses then what I will share here.
John 6:35
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.
John 4:13-14
Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.[b] The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
Galations 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
What it comes done to in this: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy. We were designed to be satisfied by Him. He came to satisfy us and He came to save us from sin. But we can still fall back into our old habits when we aren't completely relying on his strength. We can still try to satisfy ourselves instead of turning to Him.
It is such a strange irony. I feel free when I live in submission to God and when I eat in a controlled manner. I feel free and I am free. But something comes along and tries to steal my freedom. I start to eat out of control and I feel trapped and enslaved to food again.
I will stand firm. I am free, I will not go back to that yoke of slavery. Instead I will take his yoke.
Matthew 11:28-30 (Jesus says) "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Today I feel hungry. Today I feel unsatisfied. Today I feel tired of tracking what I eat. And I see myself backtracking into my old ways - reaching for some cookie dough I made for a dessert I am bringing somewhere. And the lie in my mind is that it will satisfy whatever my issue is right now. I know it won't but it feels like food will do the trick. Well it didn't. I had a spoonful and I just wanted more. This could keep going so I decided to come over here and write about it.
Here is what I know to be true: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy my deepest need. Here's a few verses about that and it is funny how he compares himself to food in many more verses then what I will share here.
John 6:35
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.
John 4:13-14
Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.[b] The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
Galations 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
What it comes done to in this: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy. We were designed to be satisfied by Him. He came to satisfy us and He came to save us from sin. But we can still fall back into our old habits when we aren't completely relying on his strength. We can still try to satisfy ourselves instead of turning to Him.
It is such a strange irony. I feel free when I live in submission to God and when I eat in a controlled manner. I feel free and I am free. But something comes along and tries to steal my freedom. I start to eat out of control and I feel trapped and enslaved to food again.
I will stand firm. I am free, I will not go back to that yoke of slavery. Instead I will take his yoke.
Matthew 11:28-30 (Jesus says) "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Day 11 Not in the Mood
For the past few weeks I have been feeling great and was wondering what could possibly come along to derail my eating plan and motivation to stay strong on this journey.
And today I am just not in the mood to count calories, eat well, or even write about it.
What is the reason behind it? Well it's nothing catastrophic or anything. I am just tired. My daughter has been waking up with nightmares - you know - the big bad wolf is in her room, or there is a lobster in her bed or the floor is covered in "pokies." I have done my mommy duty of patience and comforting in the middle of the night but I wake up drained. I know this is not a big deal. I know things could be so much worse, I could be going through literal nightmares in life. I am thankful and blessed for this season of peace and joy we have in our home. Getting up to comfort my sweet daughter is not a big deal, I hope you don't think I am complaining. I am simply identifying what is causing me to be in this mood.
The question is, am I going to allow a non-existent lobster to stop me from achieving my goals?
Almost. Thankfully my kitchen has very little unhealthy food in it so I can't quickly grab a bunch of junk food when I am not in the mood to cook healthy. I have lots of healthy and yummy snacks ready that are much easier than trying to figure out how to satisfy my unhealthy desire to rebel today. This is part of the plan. There will be days like this. I need to be prepared.
It is really helpful that I am writing about this because normally life just happens and I never really know what came along to mess me up.
And today I am just not in the mood to count calories, eat well, or even write about it.
What is the reason behind it? Well it's nothing catastrophic or anything. I am just tired. My daughter has been waking up with nightmares - you know - the big bad wolf is in her room, or there is a lobster in her bed or the floor is covered in "pokies." I have done my mommy duty of patience and comforting in the middle of the night but I wake up drained. I know this is not a big deal. I know things could be so much worse, I could be going through literal nightmares in life. I am thankful and blessed for this season of peace and joy we have in our home. Getting up to comfort my sweet daughter is not a big deal, I hope you don't think I am complaining. I am simply identifying what is causing me to be in this mood.
The question is, am I going to allow a non-existent lobster to stop me from achieving my goals?
Almost. Thankfully my kitchen has very little unhealthy food in it so I can't quickly grab a bunch of junk food when I am not in the mood to cook healthy. I have lots of healthy and yummy snacks ready that are much easier than trying to figure out how to satisfy my unhealthy desire to rebel today. This is part of the plan. There will be days like this. I need to be prepared.
It is really helpful that I am writing about this because normally life just happens and I never really know what came along to mess me up.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Day 10 What DO you deserve?
Do you ever have a really long day that is completely stressful and horrible, and whether you are folloing and eating plan or not, you see a big 7 layer gooey chocolate cake and you say to yourself, "I deserve that." Obviously it isn't always chocolate cake, it could be 1,000 different things: pizza, McDonalds, ice cream, french fries, anything "bad." So what in our minds tells us that when our day is awful we deserve something bad? Especially in the kind of portion we are going to eat when we say something like, "I deserve this."
If you have been reading my blog at all, you know I am NOT SAYING you should never have any of these food items - well maybe not the McDonalds but that's just me. But what I want to say today, is you should not being using food like some sort of drug to fix your problems. What are you really saying when you say "I deserve this"? You are saying - I deserve to poison my body. I deserve to be fat. I deserve to be unhappy? Why are you not worth anything? We need to figure out why you think this way. It might be a core belief you do or don't know you have.
Maybe you were told you weren't worth anything as a kid. Maybe you were treated that way. Maybe you figured you must not be worth anything because of something that happened. But no matter what you actually believe, you are worth something. You are worth a lot. You are created by God in His image and He loves you. He loves you enough to send his own son to die for you. And He wants to help you live a full and abundant life.
John 10:10 (Jesus says) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
The thief is a liar and he wants you to think you are worth nothing. God wants you to live a life of abundance.
If you have been reading my blog at all, you know I am NOT SAYING you should never have any of these food items - well maybe not the McDonalds but that's just me. But what I want to say today, is you should not being using food like some sort of drug to fix your problems. What are you really saying when you say "I deserve this"? You are saying - I deserve to poison my body. I deserve to be fat. I deserve to be unhappy? Why are you not worth anything? We need to figure out why you think this way. It might be a core belief you do or don't know you have.
Maybe you were told you weren't worth anything as a kid. Maybe you were treated that way. Maybe you figured you must not be worth anything because of something that happened. But no matter what you actually believe, you are worth something. You are worth a lot. You are created by God in His image and He loves you. He loves you enough to send his own son to die for you. And He wants to help you live a full and abundant life.
John 10:10 (Jesus says) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
The thief is a liar and he wants you to think you are worth nothing. God wants you to live a life of abundance.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Day 9 What Freedom under Control Feels Like
Sunday we had a church picnic. It was typical church pot luck style. Awesome. Every type of food and every type of dessert you could think of. I went down the line of casseroles, pasta dishes, jello salads, enchiladas, lasagna, fried chicken and pulled pork. I took a little of 5-6 dishes. I did not choose by what seemed low in calories. I didn't even choose any salads. (It was hot and at this point they were soggy and didn't look appetizing.) Then I went back for dessert. You are probably thinking I totally screwed up. I don't think so. I felt free in what I ate. I enjoyed the food. I did not over eat. I was satisfied. There was no guilt even though I am sure I went over my calories.
There will always be events that are centered around food. There have been times I have gone to these afraid of the food. Afraid of myself and what I would do. Or I have been in my "calorie nazi" mode where I don't enjoy a bite and maybe even leave hungry. Neither of these are healthy. It's just food. And it's there to enjoy. I don't eat this kind of food every day but I am free to enjoy it in moderation once or twice a week. So yes, the goal is to get to my goal weight, but doing it this way is an even bigger part of the goal because I know if this is the way I can do it, I will keep it off!
I am happy and proud of the way I have treated food and thought about it lately. But I can't get too confident. I have been here before and I don't know what changed that sent me back out of control. For now, I am happy where I am and I am going to work hard to keep my mind in the right place.
There will always be events that are centered around food. There have been times I have gone to these afraid of the food. Afraid of myself and what I would do. Or I have been in my "calorie nazi" mode where I don't enjoy a bite and maybe even leave hungry. Neither of these are healthy. It's just food. And it's there to enjoy. I don't eat this kind of food every day but I am free to enjoy it in moderation once or twice a week. So yes, the goal is to get to my goal weight, but doing it this way is an even bigger part of the goal because I know if this is the way I can do it, I will keep it off!
I am happy and proud of the way I have treated food and thought about it lately. But I can't get too confident. I have been here before and I don't know what changed that sent me back out of control. For now, I am happy where I am and I am going to work hard to keep my mind in the right place.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Day 8 Celebrating Success
Why is it that while following an eating plan we can go for say a week with absolute success - tracking our food, exercising our rears off, saying no to high calories foods that just aren't worth it - and then something happens - we are overcome with temptation, or don't see the results we hoped for on the scale - and it's over. All those successes mean nothing because our little failure drives us to quit - or maybe it gives us the excuse to do so.
Let's not do that anymore.
How about instead of letting our mistakes drive us to quit, let's focus on where we are successful. Maybe you messed up. You ate a whole pie. And a carton of ice cream. With hot fudge. Ooops. Now what? Might as well give up and never try again. Until two months from now when you look at the scale and realize you have gained back 15 pounds that you had lost plus a few. Now you have really had it and are ready to get serious again. Right? Until your next mistake.
How about after that pie and carton of ice cream you think about why you ate them. It is not normal to eat a whole pie. Were you feeling lonely? Tired? Bored? Rebellious? Tired of being good? Sick? Depressed? How were you feeling before the pie? What circumstance were you in? Maybe you can use the opportunity to figure it out and then maybe it won't happen again? Now, if you actually figure out part of your issue, and you decide to count up all those calories and log them anyway, I bet tomorrow you will be even more on track than you had been before the pie-scandal. And maybe you can even congratulate yourself and say, "today I was successful because even though I ate 7,000 calories worth of pie and ice cream, I decided not to quit." That would be real success.
So here is my idea for keeping you focused on your success. We are doing a 40 day challenge so we should be rewarded at the end of 40 days for every victory! What would be a good reward, ice cream? NO! Food is not a reward, we aren't dogs! Think about a way you wouldn't normally treat yourself. A pedicure, massage, new shoes, a new book, scrapbooking material, a new kitchen product. Get out a jar and put in $1 every day and a note on it saying "today I was successful because..."
There are a few notes I want you to write out ahead of time so that you can see them and be ready to stick them in your jar with your dollar.
Here are a few you should have ready:
"I was successful today because I didn't give up even though I messed up."
"I was successful today because I ate my favorite food in moderation and was satisfied."
"I was successful today because I made a plan for myself when I knew I was going to have a high calorie meal."
"I was successful today because I tried a new form of exercise."
I would love to hear how you have been successful. Feel free to comment here with your successes!
Let's not do that anymore.
How about instead of letting our mistakes drive us to quit, let's focus on where we are successful. Maybe you messed up. You ate a whole pie. And a carton of ice cream. With hot fudge. Ooops. Now what? Might as well give up and never try again. Until two months from now when you look at the scale and realize you have gained back 15 pounds that you had lost plus a few. Now you have really had it and are ready to get serious again. Right? Until your next mistake.
How about after that pie and carton of ice cream you think about why you ate them. It is not normal to eat a whole pie. Were you feeling lonely? Tired? Bored? Rebellious? Tired of being good? Sick? Depressed? How were you feeling before the pie? What circumstance were you in? Maybe you can use the opportunity to figure it out and then maybe it won't happen again? Now, if you actually figure out part of your issue, and you decide to count up all those calories and log them anyway, I bet tomorrow you will be even more on track than you had been before the pie-scandal. And maybe you can even congratulate yourself and say, "today I was successful because even though I ate 7,000 calories worth of pie and ice cream, I decided not to quit." That would be real success.
So here is my idea for keeping you focused on your success. We are doing a 40 day challenge so we should be rewarded at the end of 40 days for every victory! What would be a good reward, ice cream? NO! Food is not a reward, we aren't dogs! Think about a way you wouldn't normally treat yourself. A pedicure, massage, new shoes, a new book, scrapbooking material, a new kitchen product. Get out a jar and put in $1 every day and a note on it saying "today I was successful because..."
There are a few notes I want you to write out ahead of time so that you can see them and be ready to stick them in your jar with your dollar.
Here are a few you should have ready:
"I was successful today because I didn't give up even though I messed up."
"I was successful today because I ate my favorite food in moderation and was satisfied."
"I was successful today because I made a plan for myself when I knew I was going to have a high calorie meal."
"I was successful today because I tried a new form of exercise."
I would love to hear how you have been successful. Feel free to comment here with your successes!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Day 7 CHALLENGE!
I have decided to turn this blog into a 40 day challenge. That was my intention in the beginning but I had a fear of obligation towards 40 days and getting burnt out on writing (kind of like my pumpkin recipe blog a few years back). But I have been working on this blog for almost a month and have gotten some really positive feedback. Yesterday someone even told me that my blog has inspired her to return to Weight Watchers and make some healthy changes. It was so encouraging to hear that! So I decided to make this a 40 day challenge and the challenge will be unique to each person who wants to participate. Some of you have a lot of weight to lose and a lot of baggage to figure out. Some people (myself included) are pretty near their goal weight but have something in us that has stopped us from finishing. Some people might not even be overweight but you still have issues with the way you think about food or exercise. I feel like sometimes we need a challenge to get our booties off the couch and get done what needs to get done.
Here are a few things I hope you do with this challenge:
- Find a food plan that is realistic to follow, so realistic that you would be able to turn it into a lifestyle. I highly, HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend NOT depriving yourself of food you love but to find a way to work it in, in moderation. Or maybe you can find an alternate food that tastes similar but costs less calories. I recommend Weight Watchers or Myfitnesspal.com because these are methods that work in real life.
- make it more than a diet/exercise challenge - journal to find out about where your bad food habits and issues come from.
- Be prepared to make mistakes but don't let them stop you, instead learn from them. Ask yourself questions to get to the root of why you made that mistake so you don't make it again.
- celebrate your successes: I will post more about this tomorrow
-when you get to 40 days, don't allow yourself to slip into old habit but instead build upon what you have learned. 40 days is not the end of the journey, just the end of the first part of a challenge.
-When you are ready to say you will do this with me for 40 days, write a comment or send me an email letting me know what day you started and when the 40th day of your challenge will be.
Example: I am Carrie Miller and I am excited to get started challenging myself to journal about the things that trigger my out of control eating, and figure out why I have been self-sabatoging myself from having complete success with weight loss. I will track my calories on myfitnesspal even when I go over my calories. I am starting this challenge 5/16/2-12 and my 40th day will be 6/24/2012. I don't expect to be at my goal weight by then but I do hope to be closer to it than I am right now. I promise myself that when I mess up I will not abandon this challenge but instead try to learn why I messed up.
Feel free to share as much or as little in your message to me. I know when I first began to have success and healing was when I finally admitted to another person that I was struggling with food issues.
I am excited to be on this journey. What is stopping you for coming with me? Come on, you are worth it! And if you don't believe me, then you need to come anyway and hopefully you will begin to believe that you are worth it!
Here are a few things I hope you do with this challenge:
- Find a food plan that is realistic to follow, so realistic that you would be able to turn it into a lifestyle. I highly, HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend NOT depriving yourself of food you love but to find a way to work it in, in moderation. Or maybe you can find an alternate food that tastes similar but costs less calories. I recommend Weight Watchers or Myfitnesspal.com because these are methods that work in real life.
- make it more than a diet/exercise challenge - journal to find out about where your bad food habits and issues come from.
- Be prepared to make mistakes but don't let them stop you, instead learn from them. Ask yourself questions to get to the root of why you made that mistake so you don't make it again.
- celebrate your successes: I will post more about this tomorrow
-when you get to 40 days, don't allow yourself to slip into old habit but instead build upon what you have learned. 40 days is not the end of the journey, just the end of the first part of a challenge.
-When you are ready to say you will do this with me for 40 days, write a comment or send me an email letting me know what day you started and when the 40th day of your challenge will be.
Example: I am Carrie Miller and I am excited to get started challenging myself to journal about the things that trigger my out of control eating, and figure out why I have been self-sabatoging myself from having complete success with weight loss. I will track my calories on myfitnesspal even when I go over my calories. I am starting this challenge 5/16/2-12 and my 40th day will be 6/24/2012. I don't expect to be at my goal weight by then but I do hope to be closer to it than I am right now. I promise myself that when I mess up I will not abandon this challenge but instead try to learn why I messed up.
Feel free to share as much or as little in your message to me. I know when I first began to have success and healing was when I finally admitted to another person that I was struggling with food issues.
I am excited to be on this journey. What is stopping you for coming with me? Come on, you are worth it! And if you don't believe me, then you need to come anyway and hopefully you will begin to believe that you are worth it!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Day 6 Obstacles
Say you are climbing Mount Everest. This would be a big goal and it would require a lot of planning and preparation. You have a very specific goal in mind - get to the top. With such a huge goal you would be really surprised if you hiked straight to the top without any expected and unexpected obstacles. I am not a mountain climber but I would imagine there would be terrain changes, extreme weather, injuries, equipment failures and many other things I can't even begin to imagine.
And really, if we were watching this mountain climbing journey in a movie, the obstacles, challenges and how the climber overcame them would be what made the movie interesting, what made us cheer for them. What if at the first difficulty, instead of finding a solution, the climber turned around and went home?
We have a big goal too. Maybe it's not Mount Everest. But it might feel like it if you have been battling weight loss, dieting, food issues and body image for ten, fifteen, or twenty plus years.
There are things that happen that can derail your weight loss. That can stop you and they will if you let them. It's as if you turn around and go home after all that planning, you give up your dream. Something happens and it allows you an excuse. So who had a better excuse the overweight man who has a minor injury so gives up going to the gym or the mountain climber who has frost bite? The mother who didn't get enough sleep because of small children or the mother on a mountain away from her family sleeping in zero degrees? And who is more likely to actually reach their goal? I would put my money on the mountain climber. Not because the person losing weight can't do it, but because of the kind of commitment it takes to even get on a mountain. What kind of commitment do you have towards your goal? I wrote about goals yesterday if you want to take a look at that.
Drive, commitment, focus, believing in yourself: these are the things that will bring you through, over, around or under obstacles. Think of obstacles that way, as something you need to find a solution to - not a reason to quit. Maybe you slipped down the mountain a little. Maybe you screwed up. Maybe you quit before. Get back up. Try again. Get back up - you are worth it and your goal is worth achieving!
And really, if we were watching this mountain climbing journey in a movie, the obstacles, challenges and how the climber overcame them would be what made the movie interesting, what made us cheer for them. What if at the first difficulty, instead of finding a solution, the climber turned around and went home?
We have a big goal too. Maybe it's not Mount Everest. But it might feel like it if you have been battling weight loss, dieting, food issues and body image for ten, fifteen, or twenty plus years.
There are things that happen that can derail your weight loss. That can stop you and they will if you let them. It's as if you turn around and go home after all that planning, you give up your dream. Something happens and it allows you an excuse. So who had a better excuse the overweight man who has a minor injury so gives up going to the gym or the mountain climber who has frost bite? The mother who didn't get enough sleep because of small children or the mother on a mountain away from her family sleeping in zero degrees? And who is more likely to actually reach their goal? I would put my money on the mountain climber. Not because the person losing weight can't do it, but because of the kind of commitment it takes to even get on a mountain. What kind of commitment do you have towards your goal? I wrote about goals yesterday if you want to take a look at that.
Drive, commitment, focus, believing in yourself: these are the things that will bring you through, over, around or under obstacles. Think of obstacles that way, as something you need to find a solution to - not a reason to quit. Maybe you slipped down the mountain a little. Maybe you screwed up. Maybe you quit before. Get back up. Try again. Get back up - you are worth it and your goal is worth achieving!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Day 5 Journey to a Destination
There are so many cliché statements I could make about setting a goal. I envision a junior high library full of posters with pictures of jets saying "aim high," or of a President or astronaut that says, "you can do anything if you set your mind to it." The thing is, the people who are successful in whatever they do have more than a goal, they have a plan and they have focus. Whatever goal you have, do you actually realize it's possible? You can be within your BMI. You could become athletic. Even if it doesn't have to do with weight, if your goal is to become a millionaire, if you make a financial plan and stick to it with focus, you will become what you aim for.
You can attain your health, fitness, and eating goals. It is possible. What is stopping you? What has stopped you before? We will go into obstacles more on a day to come but today we are talking about your goals. Not accomplishing your goal is most likely a mental issue.
Sorry to break it to you but it is your head that's the problem. I don't care what diet you tried before, if you would have followed it you would have gotten results; but you didn't, so the question isn't what's wrong with the diet, it is what is wrong with your head? My hope is to deal with some of those mental issues in this blog and part of this will be setting goals today.
Before we set goals let me tell you a little story about myself. At one point in my life I was pretty close to my goal weight. I had been doing weight watchers and I had lost a good amount of weight. At 24 years old I was feeling pretty good about myself. There was one major problem. At this point in my life, I had been struggling with smoking cigarettes and drinking excessively for about 5 years. It was something I thought I enjoyed but also hated. Honestly my life was a big mess. This is a very long story but to make it short, what finally happened was I started going to church - something I had never done in my life. I had not even believed in God before this. After trying everything on my own to quit smoking and drinking, I gave this burden over to God in prayer. I submitted my whole life to Him and a miracle truly happened. I became a new person and I never wanted to smoke or drink excessively again.
A few months after this I was still looking pretty good from my recent weight loss but I realized I was still struggling with the way I was eating and the way I was thinking of food. I actually found out that I had an eating disorder called compulsive eating. I had been seeing a counselor to work through some of my other issues and I very meekly brought up to her how I wanted to deal with this eating disorder. She did not take me seriously at all since I was thin. And I thought, "maybe I am ok." A few months later I met the man I would one day marry. I kept the weight off as we dated and lost even more weight before our wedding. But the thing that was wrong in my head was still there and I gained about 50 pounds in the 6 months after our wedding. I will come back to continuing this story later but for now I want to say something about the goal setting. My ultimate goal is not my weight. It is good to set a goal that is measurable so I do think you should have a goal weight. But my ultimate goal has more to do with my relationship with food and how I deal with it and think about it.
Here are my goals:
I will enjoy food but do so in moderation. I will think of food as fuel for my body. I will not obsess over how many calories I can eat or how much I weigh. I will renew the way I think about food. I will find out what my triggers are as far as overeating or binging is concerned. I will find ways to re-direct the triggers towards something that is good for me instead of something that sabotages my goals. I will stick with my calorie counting even if I go over my calorie limit. I will exercise and I will discover a kind of exercise that I enjoy. I will not give up if I make a mistake, instead I will learn from it through journaling. I will make time for me. I will trust God to give me the strength to do this. I believe that I am worth fighting for and I will fight for myself to win this battle.
While my mission is to accomplish the above I believe I will see the results of my effort in my weight. My ultimate goal weight is ________. (My current weight is ________) Please make sure your goal weight is within your healthy BMI. If it is not you will need to adjust your goal. http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/english_bmi_calculator/bmi_calculator.html
Now your goal might be something that might take a year or more, you are going to need to set daily and weekly goals to keep you focused on your ultimate goal
These goals should be ATTAINABLE, or you are setting yourself up to fail! I remember a great friend giving me advice years ago as I told her my goal was to go to the gym 5 days a week. "Why not make the goal 3 days a week, it doesn't mean you can't go more than that, but make your goal attainable." Of course I didn't take her advice, I did the 5 days a week the first week and then I burned out. I also don't recommend depriving yourself of food you love. Make your goal to eat it in moderation. This is a lifestyle!
First short term goals that will lead towards my ultimate long term goal are:
food goal:
fitness goal:
other goal:
These goals are the beginning of a roadmap to who you want to become. You aren't in a hurry, focus on the journey as you aim for the destination.
You can attain your health, fitness, and eating goals. It is possible. What is stopping you? What has stopped you before? We will go into obstacles more on a day to come but today we are talking about your goals. Not accomplishing your goal is most likely a mental issue.
Sorry to break it to you but it is your head that's the problem. I don't care what diet you tried before, if you would have followed it you would have gotten results; but you didn't, so the question isn't what's wrong with the diet, it is what is wrong with your head? My hope is to deal with some of those mental issues in this blog and part of this will be setting goals today.
Before we set goals let me tell you a little story about myself. At one point in my life I was pretty close to my goal weight. I had been doing weight watchers and I had lost a good amount of weight. At 24 years old I was feeling pretty good about myself. There was one major problem. At this point in my life, I had been struggling with smoking cigarettes and drinking excessively for about 5 years. It was something I thought I enjoyed but also hated. Honestly my life was a big mess. This is a very long story but to make it short, what finally happened was I started going to church - something I had never done in my life. I had not even believed in God before this. After trying everything on my own to quit smoking and drinking, I gave this burden over to God in prayer. I submitted my whole life to Him and a miracle truly happened. I became a new person and I never wanted to smoke or drink excessively again.
A few months after this I was still looking pretty good from my recent weight loss but I realized I was still struggling with the way I was eating and the way I was thinking of food. I actually found out that I had an eating disorder called compulsive eating. I had been seeing a counselor to work through some of my other issues and I very meekly brought up to her how I wanted to deal with this eating disorder. She did not take me seriously at all since I was thin. And I thought, "maybe I am ok." A few months later I met the man I would one day marry. I kept the weight off as we dated and lost even more weight before our wedding. But the thing that was wrong in my head was still there and I gained about 50 pounds in the 6 months after our wedding. I will come back to continuing this story later but for now I want to say something about the goal setting. My ultimate goal is not my weight. It is good to set a goal that is measurable so I do think you should have a goal weight. But my ultimate goal has more to do with my relationship with food and how I deal with it and think about it.
Here are my goals:
I will enjoy food but do so in moderation. I will think of food as fuel for my body. I will not obsess over how many calories I can eat or how much I weigh. I will renew the way I think about food. I will find out what my triggers are as far as overeating or binging is concerned. I will find ways to re-direct the triggers towards something that is good for me instead of something that sabotages my goals. I will stick with my calorie counting even if I go over my calorie limit. I will exercise and I will discover a kind of exercise that I enjoy. I will not give up if I make a mistake, instead I will learn from it through journaling. I will make time for me. I will trust God to give me the strength to do this. I believe that I am worth fighting for and I will fight for myself to win this battle.
While my mission is to accomplish the above I believe I will see the results of my effort in my weight. My ultimate goal weight is ________. (My current weight is ________) Please make sure your goal weight is within your healthy BMI. If it is not you will need to adjust your goal. http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/adult_bmi/english_bmi_calculator/bmi_calculator.html
Now your goal might be something that might take a year or more, you are going to need to set daily and weekly goals to keep you focused on your ultimate goal
These goals should be ATTAINABLE, or you are setting yourself up to fail! I remember a great friend giving me advice years ago as I told her my goal was to go to the gym 5 days a week. "Why not make the goal 3 days a week, it doesn't mean you can't go more than that, but make your goal attainable." Of course I didn't take her advice, I did the 5 days a week the first week and then I burned out. I also don't recommend depriving yourself of food you love. Make your goal to eat it in moderation. This is a lifestyle!
First short term goals that will lead towards my ultimate long term goal are:
food goal:
fitness goal:
other goal:
These goals are the beginning of a roadmap to who you want to become. You aren't in a hurry, focus on the journey as you aim for the destination.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Day 4 Rebound
Today proves a theory I have had in my head for a while. You can feel like crap because you are eating out of control for any period of time and within 24-48 hours of eating under control, feel fantastic again. Some people may have experienced this when they start a diet. By the second or third day they feel somewhat skinny and confident when nothing has really changed except their mind-set. I have experienced this over and over in my yo-yo dieting life. I know I have found the key to it all which is eating normal food in moderation. The problem is the rebellious streak that tells me I need, want or have to have more. It seems ridiculous right now that I would let myself go back to that place. From where I am now, I am happy. I like having control over food and truly enjoying what I eat as I do so in satisfying moderation. But there is a little gremlin deep within me that starts to whisper "you won't really enjoy it unless you have two." And then two becomes three. Or, "you don't feel very good right now, chocolate will make everything feel better."
For me I have found that counting calories gives me freedom to eat the food I enjoy under control. Part of my problem can be when I go over the calories a little bit. This should be okay, I should have the freedom to do that occasionally. But something in my mind says, you've blown it going over by 13 calories, you might as well go buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Obviously this is not logical. I want to work on allowing myself the freedom to see my calories a guideline not a tightrope. I don't want this to be and on/off diet. I want to eat normal and under control as a lifestyle, and to do so I know I have to count my calories.
For me I have found that counting calories gives me freedom to eat the food I enjoy under control. Part of my problem can be when I go over the calories a little bit. This should be okay, I should have the freedom to do that occasionally. But something in my mind says, you've blown it going over by 13 calories, you might as well go buy a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Obviously this is not logical. I want to work on allowing myself the freedom to see my calories a guideline not a tightrope. I don't want this to be and on/off diet. I want to eat normal and under control as a lifestyle, and to do so I know I have to count my calories.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Day 3 In and out of control
When I started the idea of this blog I really thought I mostly had it together and would figure the rest out as I wrote about different topics having to do with eating habits, weight loss and diet. I was thinking this could be like financial peace university but for peace from food, not money. As the days go on I am finding out I have less overall control than I thought I had. I am starting to feel like an alcoholic (an area I do have a lot of former experience in) but with food.
The truth is, I have gotten my weight down to an acceptable weight. I am in shape. Good shape. But food still has a major hold over me. Not because I have to eat to live but because I lose control to food. I am so sick of this and it goes back so far. I compare it to alcoholism because I have a dear person in my life who is an alcoholic. She continues to forget promises she makes to herself and others and repeats the self-destructive behavior. I am the same. And the hardest part is when I am eating under control, I feel so good, so confident and so happy that I truly believe I will not slip back into my old way. But then I do, over and over again.
Even though I don't have a lot of obvious current consequences with food, they are there and I am not in control. I have days, weeks or months of not allowing food to control me and then something switches in my brain and I lose my motivation to eat under control. I am so sick of it, I really thought I was doing so much better. And I am bouncing back faster than I used to - but I still have some very deep issues with food.
I guess I really am like an alcoholic in the sense that this will always be a struggle for me. I know alcoholics who have been sober 20 years and still crave a drink. But the difference with food is I can't quit it. I have to manage it and I hope to still enjoy it.
The question is, why do I go back to self-destruction and self-sabotage when I have found the way to eat food, enjoy it and do it under control? Why do I want to be out of control? It is not about the food. It is something else - this is what I need to figure out.
Questions for today:
How does being out of control feel?
In what ways have you self-sabotaged yourself with food?
The truth is, I have gotten my weight down to an acceptable weight. I am in shape. Good shape. But food still has a major hold over me. Not because I have to eat to live but because I lose control to food. I am so sick of this and it goes back so far. I compare it to alcoholism because I have a dear person in my life who is an alcoholic. She continues to forget promises she makes to herself and others and repeats the self-destructive behavior. I am the same. And the hardest part is when I am eating under control, I feel so good, so confident and so happy that I truly believe I will not slip back into my old way. But then I do, over and over again.
Even though I don't have a lot of obvious current consequences with food, they are there and I am not in control. I have days, weeks or months of not allowing food to control me and then something switches in my brain and I lose my motivation to eat under control. I am so sick of it, I really thought I was doing so much better. And I am bouncing back faster than I used to - but I still have some very deep issues with food.
I guess I really am like an alcoholic in the sense that this will always be a struggle for me. I know alcoholics who have been sober 20 years and still crave a drink. But the difference with food is I can't quit it. I have to manage it and I hope to still enjoy it.
The question is, why do I go back to self-destruction and self-sabotage when I have found the way to eat food, enjoy it and do it under control? Why do I want to be out of control? It is not about the food. It is something else - this is what I need to figure out.
Questions for today:
How does being out of control feel?
In what ways have you self-sabotaged yourself with food?
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Day 2 "66 grams"
My original plan was to talk about eating plans today. I also planned on making an entry every day for 40 days. I need to make sure, as much as is possible, everything I do with this will be helpful to me and to those reading it. Putting a 40 day - must write pressure on me is not helpful.
Also, I am realizing what I really want to write about is not diet. Move more, eat less. That sums it up. I will refer to calories because I do count them but it is more like a budget than anything. If I want to lose weight I have to eat under a certain amount of calories. What I really want to talk about is why people with food and body image issues like me do not succeed in dieting and it's not the diets fault. This will be the main focus of my blog.
It has been about a week since I wrote the first entry. I have thought a lot about things I wanted to write but have not actually been able to write. I actually feel successful for my lack of success! Writing this blog is not my number one goal. Finding healing in the way I think about food is my goal. I have had an extremely successful week and it included my birthday. Some days I ate more than I should have but I didn't let it stop me from making the best choices I could, enjoying food and enjoying my birthday celebration, and getting back on track to do the best that I could after.
This may not sounds like success to you but I have always been all or nothing when it comes to food. I am either a calories nazi or a complete glutton. And if I screwed up as a diet nazi it would take at least a month of eating completely out of control before I convinced myself to try again.
This past week I was neither. I was normal. The scale said I gained a few pounds after my birthday. In the past that would be a sign to give up. But instead, I refocused and got back on track with my calorie counting and exercise.
Today after 4 days of eating extremely well I have been hit with a few triggers that normally send me binging. I could feel it coming and I was already making excuses in my mind, trying to get myself to do go out of control with food because there is something in me that thinks doing this well comfort me or make me feel better. My mental conversations about the ice cream in my freezer have gone on for hours. I remind myself repeatedly that chocolate will not make me feel better. Finally on the verge of eating out of the carton, an extreme thought occurred, " why don't you measure out exactly one serving?" YES! I got out my scale and measure 66 grams of full fat cookies and cream ice cream. This is half a cup of ice cream for 140 calories.
Half a cup of ice cream is not a lot but it did the trick - not the comforting me part - that's not ice cream's job, but giving me that little sweet/chocolate craving and doing it under control. I feel free. I did go over my calories today because of the ice cream but I believe I am free to do this as long as it is not on a daily basis that will sabotage my weight loss. I am still actually within the amount of calories that counts towards losing weight. I am very excited and my emotions have really turned from feeling defeated by my temptations to truly feel free because I ate under control, enjoyed food, and did not binge.
For your journal:
What do you consider success as far as your eating goes?
Have you ever been an "all or nothing" dieter?
Do you ever feel like food will make you "feel better"?
Also, I am realizing what I really want to write about is not diet. Move more, eat less. That sums it up. I will refer to calories because I do count them but it is more like a budget than anything. If I want to lose weight I have to eat under a certain amount of calories. What I really want to talk about is why people with food and body image issues like me do not succeed in dieting and it's not the diets fault. This will be the main focus of my blog.
It has been about a week since I wrote the first entry. I have thought a lot about things I wanted to write but have not actually been able to write. I actually feel successful for my lack of success! Writing this blog is not my number one goal. Finding healing in the way I think about food is my goal. I have had an extremely successful week and it included my birthday. Some days I ate more than I should have but I didn't let it stop me from making the best choices I could, enjoying food and enjoying my birthday celebration, and getting back on track to do the best that I could after.
This may not sounds like success to you but I have always been all or nothing when it comes to food. I am either a calories nazi or a complete glutton. And if I screwed up as a diet nazi it would take at least a month of eating completely out of control before I convinced myself to try again.
This past week I was neither. I was normal. The scale said I gained a few pounds after my birthday. In the past that would be a sign to give up. But instead, I refocused and got back on track with my calorie counting and exercise.
Today after 4 days of eating extremely well I have been hit with a few triggers that normally send me binging. I could feel it coming and I was already making excuses in my mind, trying to get myself to do go out of control with food because there is something in me that thinks doing this well comfort me or make me feel better. My mental conversations about the ice cream in my freezer have gone on for hours. I remind myself repeatedly that chocolate will not make me feel better. Finally on the verge of eating out of the carton, an extreme thought occurred, " why don't you measure out exactly one serving?" YES! I got out my scale and measure 66 grams of full fat cookies and cream ice cream. This is half a cup of ice cream for 140 calories.
Half a cup of ice cream is not a lot but it did the trick - not the comforting me part - that's not ice cream's job, but giving me that little sweet/chocolate craving and doing it under control. I feel free. I did go over my calories today because of the ice cream but I believe I am free to do this as long as it is not on a daily basis that will sabotage my weight loss. I am still actually within the amount of calories that counts towards losing weight. I am very excited and my emotions have really turned from feeling defeated by my temptations to truly feel free because I ate under control, enjoyed food, and did not binge.
For your journal:
What do you consider success as far as your eating goes?
Have you ever been an "all or nothing" dieter?
Do you ever feel like food will make you "feel better"?
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