Day 13 Level of Commitment

My youngest daughter turned two last month. I know that now could be the time to potty train her. She is capable, if I take the time to go into intensive potty training mode. I like the idea of not buying or changing diapers. I would like her to be potty trained. So last week I hesitantly decided to get started. I bought all the little rewards and made the charts, I covered the floor with towels. I had the plan of not leaving the house much for about a week. After about 3 hours I decided to wait a few more months.

You are probably wondering if you are reading the wrong blog. What does potty training have to do with weight loss? My daughter is capable of being potty trained, I am not committed to the process of doing it right now. It is way too much work. I know I have to do it eventually but I just don't want to right now.

Now do you see the connection? Your level of success is directly related to your level of commitment. You may want to lose weight. You may want to be healthier. But wanting a result isn't going to mean much if you are not committed to the process that is going to lead to results. You actually have to be committed to the process. Committed to change. So committed that you stick with it when things get tough. So what would get your to truly commit to the challenge you are facing?

Day 12 Unsatisfied

Yesterday's mood has carried over to today. In my head I am telling myself that when I feel this way I need to respond by just continuing what I should be doing, even though I don't want to do it. I really don't want to write about this now when I don't have my stuff together. I feel like writing about my struggles with food in hindsight is okay but it is embarrassing to say, "I am struggling right now." I want to have it all together. I want this to be a thing of the past as I help other figure their issues out - but I know I am still a work in progress too. So bare with me.

Today I feel hungry. Today I feel unsatisfied. Today I feel tired of tracking what I eat. And I see myself backtracking into my old ways - reaching for some cookie dough I made for a dessert I am bringing somewhere. And the lie in my mind is that it will satisfy whatever my issue is right now. I know it won't but it feels like food will do the trick. Well it didn't. I had a spoonful and I just wanted more. This could keep going so I decided to come over here and write about it.

Here is what I know to be true: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy my deepest need. Here's a few verses about that and it is funny how he compares himself to food in many more verses then what I will share here.

John 6:35
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

John 4:13-14
Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.[b] The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Galations 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

What it comes done to in this: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy. We were designed to be satisfied by Him. He came to satisfy us and He came to save us from sin. But we can still fall back into our old habits when we aren't completely relying on his strength. We can still try to satisfy ourselves instead of turning to Him.

It is such a strange irony. I feel free when I live in submission to God and when I eat in a controlled manner. I feel free and I am free. But something comes along and tries to steal my freedom. I start to eat out of control and I feel trapped and enslaved to food again.

I will stand firm. I am free, I will not go back to that yoke of slavery. Instead I will take his yoke.

Matthew 11:28-30 (Jesus says) "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Day 11 Not in the Mood

For the past few weeks I have been feeling great and was wondering what could possibly come along to derail my eating plan and motivation to stay strong on this journey.

And today I am just not in the mood to count calories, eat well, or even write about it.

What is the reason behind it? Well it's nothing catastrophic or anything. I am just tired. My daughter has been waking up with nightmares - you know - the big bad wolf is in her room, or there is a lobster in her bed or the floor is covered in "pokies." I have done my mommy duty of patience and comforting in the middle of the night but I wake up drained. I know this is not a big deal. I know things could be so much worse, I could be going through literal nightmares in life. I am thankful and blessed for this season of peace and joy we have in our home. Getting up to comfort my sweet daughter is not a big deal, I hope you don't think I am complaining. I am simply identifying what is causing me to be in this mood.

The question is, am I going to allow a non-existent lobster to stop me from achieving my goals?

Almost. Thankfully my kitchen has very little unhealthy food in it so I can't quickly grab a bunch of junk food when I am not in the mood to cook healthy. I have lots of healthy and yummy snacks ready that are much easier than trying to figure out how to satisfy my unhealthy desire to rebel today. This is part of the plan. There will be days like this. I need to be prepared.

It is really helpful that I am writing about this because normally life just happens and I never really know what came along to mess me up.

Day 10 What DO you deserve?

Do you ever have a really long day that is completely stressful and horrible, and whether you are folloing and eating plan or not, you see a big 7 layer gooey chocolate cake and you say to yourself, "I deserve that." Obviously it isn't always chocolate cake, it could be 1,000 different things: pizza, McDonalds, ice cream, french fries, anything "bad." So what in our minds tells us that when our day is awful we deserve something bad? Especially in the kind of portion we are going to eat when we say something like, "I deserve this."

If you have been reading my blog at all, you know I am NOT SAYING you should never have any of these food items - well maybe not the McDonalds but that's just me. But what I want to say today, is you should not being using food like some sort of drug to fix your problems. What are you really saying when you say "I deserve this"? You are saying - I deserve to poison my body. I deserve to be fat. I deserve to be unhappy? Why are you not worth anything? We need to figure out why you think this way. It might be a core belief you do or don't know you have.

Maybe you were told you weren't worth anything as a kid. Maybe you were treated that way. Maybe you figured you must not be worth anything because of something that happened. But no matter what you actually believe, you are worth something. You are worth a lot. You are created by God in His image and He loves you. He loves you enough to send his own son to die for you. And He wants to help you live a full and abundant life.

John 10:10 (Jesus says) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

The thief is a liar and he wants you to think you are worth nothing. God wants you to live a life of abundance.

Day 9 What Freedom under Control Feels Like

Sunday we had a church picnic. It was typical church pot luck style. Awesome. Every type of food and every type of dessert you could think of. I went down the line of casseroles, pasta dishes, jello salads, enchiladas, lasagna, fried chicken and pulled pork. I took a little of 5-6 dishes. I did not choose by what seemed low in calories. I didn't even choose any salads. (It was hot and at this point they were soggy and didn't look appetizing.) Then I went back for dessert. You are probably thinking I totally screwed up. I don't think so. I felt free in what I ate. I enjoyed the food. I did not over eat. I was satisfied. There was no guilt even though I am sure I went over my calories.

There will always be events that are centered around food. There have been times I have gone to these afraid of the food. Afraid of myself and what I would do. Or I have been in my "calorie nazi" mode where I don't enjoy a bite and maybe even leave hungry. Neither of these are healthy. It's just food. And it's there to enjoy. I don't eat this kind of food every day but I am free to enjoy it in moderation once or twice a week. So yes, the goal is to get to my goal weight, but doing it this way is an even bigger part of the goal because I know if this is the way I can do it, I will keep it off!

I am happy and proud of the way I have treated food and thought about it lately. But I can't get too confident. I have been here before and I don't know what changed that sent me back out of control. For now, I am happy where I am and I am going to work hard to keep my mind in the right place.

Day 8 Celebrating Success

Why is it that while following an eating plan we can go for say a week with absolute success - tracking our food, exercising our rears off, saying no to high calories foods that just aren't worth it - and then something happens - we are overcome with temptation, or don't see the results we hoped for on the scale - and it's over. All those successes mean nothing because our little failure drives us to quit - or maybe it gives us the excuse to do so.

Let's not do that anymore.

How about instead of letting our mistakes drive us to quit, let's focus on where we are successful. Maybe you messed up. You ate a whole pie. And a carton of ice cream. With hot fudge. Ooops. Now what? Might as well give up and never try again. Until two months from now when you look at the scale and realize you have gained back 15 pounds that you had lost plus a few. Now you have really had it and are ready to get serious again. Right? Until your next mistake.

How about after that pie and carton of ice cream you think about why you ate them. It is not normal to eat a whole pie. Were you feeling lonely? Tired? Bored? Rebellious? Tired of being good? Sick? Depressed? How were you feeling before the pie? What circumstance were you in? Maybe you can use the opportunity to figure it out and then maybe it won't happen again? Now, if you actually figure out part of your issue, and you decide to count up all those calories and log them anyway, I bet tomorrow you will be even more on track than you had been before the pie-scandal. And maybe you can even congratulate yourself and say, "today I was successful because even though I ate 7,000 calories worth of pie and ice cream, I decided not to quit." That would be real success.

So here is my idea for keeping you focused on your success. We are doing a 40 day challenge so we should be rewarded at the end of 40 days for every victory! What would be a good reward, ice cream? NO! Food is not a reward, we aren't dogs! Think about a way you wouldn't normally treat yourself. A pedicure, massage, new shoes, a new book, scrapbooking material, a new kitchen product. Get out a jar and put in $1 every day and a note on it saying "today I was successful because..."

There are a few notes I want you to write out ahead of time so that you can see them and be ready to stick them in your jar with your dollar.

Here are a few you should have ready:

"I was successful today because I didn't give up even though I messed up."

"I was successful today because I ate my favorite food in moderation and was satisfied."

"I was successful today because I made a plan for myself when I knew I was going to have a high calorie meal."

"I was successful today because I tried a new form of exercise."


I would love to hear how you have been successful. Feel free to comment here with your successes!

Day 7 CHALLENGE!

I have decided to turn this blog into a 40 day challenge. That was my intention in the beginning but I had a fear of obligation towards 40 days and getting burnt out on writing (kind of like my pumpkin recipe blog a few years back). But I have been working on this blog for almost a month and have gotten some really positive feedback. Yesterday someone even told me that my blog has inspired her to return to Weight Watchers and make some healthy changes. It was so encouraging to hear that! So I decided to make this a 40 day challenge and the challenge will be unique to each person who wants to participate. Some of you have a lot of weight to lose and a lot of baggage to figure out. Some people (myself included) are pretty near their goal weight but have something in us that has stopped us from finishing. Some people might not even be overweight but you still have issues with the way you think about food or exercise. I feel like sometimes we need a challenge to get our booties off the couch and get done what needs to get done.


Here are a few things I hope you do with this challenge:

- Find a food plan that is realistic to follow, so realistic that you would be able to turn it into a lifestyle. I highly, HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend NOT depriving yourself of food you love but to find a way to work it in, in moderation. Or maybe you can find an alternate food that tastes similar but costs less calories. I recommend Weight Watchers or Myfitnesspal.com because these are methods that work in real life.

- make it more than a diet/exercise challenge - journal to find out about where your bad food habits and issues come from.

- Be prepared to make mistakes but don't let them stop you, instead learn from them. Ask yourself questions to get to the root of why you made that mistake so you don't make it again.

- celebrate your successes: I will post more about this tomorrow

-when you get to 40 days, don't allow yourself to slip into old habit but instead build upon what you have learned. 40 days is not the end of the journey, just the end of the first part of a challenge.

-When you are ready to say you will do this with me for 40 days, write a comment or send me an email letting me know what day you started and when the 40th day of your challenge will be.

Example: I am Carrie Miller and I am excited to get started challenging myself to journal about the things that trigger my out of control eating, and figure out why I have been self-sabatoging myself from having complete success with weight loss. I will track my calories on myfitnesspal even when I go over my calories. I am starting this challenge 5/16/2-12 and my 40th day will be 6/24/2012. I don't expect to be at my goal weight by then but I do hope to be closer to it than I am right now. I promise myself that when I mess up I will not abandon this challenge but instead try to learn why I messed up.

Feel free to share as much or as little in your message to me. I know when I first began to have success and healing was when I finally admitted to another person that I was struggling with food issues.

I am excited to be on this journey. What is stopping you for coming with me? Come on, you are worth it! And if you don't believe me, then you need to come anyway and hopefully you will begin to believe that you are worth it!