Day 12 Unsatisfied

Yesterday's mood has carried over to today. In my head I am telling myself that when I feel this way I need to respond by just continuing what I should be doing, even though I don't want to do it. I really don't want to write about this now when I don't have my stuff together. I feel like writing about my struggles with food in hindsight is okay but it is embarrassing to say, "I am struggling right now." I want to have it all together. I want this to be a thing of the past as I help other figure their issues out - but I know I am still a work in progress too. So bare with me.

Today I feel hungry. Today I feel unsatisfied. Today I feel tired of tracking what I eat. And I see myself backtracking into my old ways - reaching for some cookie dough I made for a dessert I am bringing somewhere. And the lie in my mind is that it will satisfy whatever my issue is right now. I know it won't but it feels like food will do the trick. Well it didn't. I had a spoonful and I just wanted more. This could keep going so I decided to come over here and write about it.

Here is what I know to be true: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy my deepest need. Here's a few verses about that and it is funny how he compares himself to food in many more verses then what I will share here.

John 6:35
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.

John 4:13-14
Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.[b] The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Galations 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

What it comes done to in this: Jesus is the only one who can satisfy. We were designed to be satisfied by Him. He came to satisfy us and He came to save us from sin. But we can still fall back into our old habits when we aren't completely relying on his strength. We can still try to satisfy ourselves instead of turning to Him.

It is such a strange irony. I feel free when I live in submission to God and when I eat in a controlled manner. I feel free and I am free. But something comes along and tries to steal my freedom. I start to eat out of control and I feel trapped and enslaved to food again.

I will stand firm. I am free, I will not go back to that yoke of slavery. Instead I will take his yoke.

Matthew 11:28-30 (Jesus says) "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”